The Book of the Basement

The Book of The Basement

Chapter 1

The cry of the tender wife to the weekend carpenter—The carpenter lays up stores for the project–The stripling carpenters join the struggle—The tools become slippery—The project is completed—The family rejoices

1.  And it came to pass in those days a great cry went up throughout all the house. The tender wife did cry for her husband to finish the basement.

2.  And it came to pass that the husband heeded the cry of his wife, and did lay up in store many building materials, making many trips to Home Depot.

3.  And for the space of many weeks the husband did lay up in store materials for the hour of need.

4.  And it came to pass that the husband arose early in the morning, and girded about him his weapons, being clothed after the manner of the carpenter;

5.  And he went forth to battle bearing hammer and saw, pliers, and screwdriver, and having a cloth nail apron girded about his loins;

6.  And he went forth in his strength, in the strength of the arm of a man went he forth, and labored all that day.

7.  And it came to pass in the heat of the day he grew faint with the loss of sweat;

8.  And his tender wife brought him water, and sustenance, and deseret, which is by interpretation, the honey bee;

9.  And he grew fatigued; and his wife added to his army two stripling carpenters; but the young maiden she sent not forth, because of her exceedingly tender age.

10.  And it came to pass that the man and his two stripling carpenters labored all that day, and when it was night they did cease from their strivings;

11.  And the next Saturday they arose and resumed the battle, and vanquished not.

12. And the basement was one continual scene of hammering and clanking and sawing; and the cries of the stripling carpenters did rend the air and went up to the ears of their mother;

13.  And she did minister to the cuts and bruises and mashed thumbs; and the stripling carpenters did receive many wounds, but their lives were preserved; and behold, there was not any stripling carpenter who did not sustain cuts and bruises.

14.  And they labored all that day and vanquished not. And it came to pass that they labored all the next Saturday and vanquished not, neither were they vanquished.

15.  And it came to pass that because of the continual scent of hammering and bloodshed, their possessions did become slippery unto them.

16.  And the man’s tape measure did become exceedingly slippery; and he would put it down, and lo, in a few minutes it would not be there, and was exceedingly slippery, because of the stripling carpenters.

17.  And at night, when the laboring ceased, behold, there were six large pieces of wallboard and eight pieces of paneling;

18.  And the next Saturday they labored all day and vanquished not, and there remained four large pieces of wallboard and five pieces of paneling.

19.  And the next Saturday they labored, and behold, there were two large pieces of wallboard and three pieces of paneling and ten billion particles of gypsum, in number even as the sand of the sea, because of the stripling carpenters.

20.  And it came to pass that the next Saturday they did complete their labor, and the remaining wallboard and paneling and pieces of gypsum were cast out into outer darkness; and they did admire their work, and did rejoice exceedingly; and on Sunday they did rest from their labors.

21.  And there was great thanksgiving throughout all the house, and the cries of the tender wife did not longer rend the air, and the cries of the wounded stripling carpenters no longer ascended up to the heavens.

22.  And it came to pass there was much joy in the house, insomuch that there were many family gatherings in the basement, and Cub Scout meetings and much playing and rejoicing and singing and dancing and roller skating and blanket forts and chalk drawings on the floor and exceedingly many activities, the hundredth part of which cannot be told.

 

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